The Road Not Taken

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I marked the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Robert Frost

I took the kids to the butterfly festival at the Chattahoochee Nature Center a few days ago. Once we got there---they had a blast. Even with grumpy Zander....it didn't take long for him to be in his element and love every minute of it.

But as I watched my sweet kids, I also noticed (for the 100th time) how different they are. Zan is the rule follower. He wants to check things out before he goes on ahead. Kaya, well she has a spirit of her own. Why would you worry about going on a path? Yes, there is a paved path but there is a whole world of adventure ahead!

She cannot resist a path. Even a less-traveled one. If there is a path to go somewhere she WILL take it. No matter if it is against the rules!

I finally made her stop taking the undiscovered paths. Just because the only way to get out of the last one was to climb a fence.
You can tell how happy she was with that decision.

I hope she keeps that spirit. I hope she wants to trek forward no matter what. So what if there is a fence to climb over? I hope and pray she still wants to go and overcome whatever she comes her way.

Trek forward sweet little girl. Take that path less taken---it will make a world of difference.

the joy of friends

My insides are churning. I'm a nervous wreck. Court awaits me and I don't know what to expect & am uncertain about the certain changes that will happen. Soon. Very soon.

So I call some of my closest friends. I am so lucky. So lucky that I have a handful of girls that would fight to the ends of the earth for me. Yes me, little old me. That makes me so grateful. They seem like little angels of encouragement.

And one of those dear friends says something to me that was the most incredible compliment I have ever heard.

"You know they were talking today at church about joyfulness. About people finding joy in everything. And I kept thinking of you. You are always joyful, joyful, joyful no matter what- even with all of the terrible things that have happened to you." I started crying immediately---tears of joys, I suppose. That comment hit home with me because it felt so true. And it made me even more joyful to have a friend that knew that about me--I've been smiling ever since.

It was just the cup of "joyfulness" I needed.

After you read this, count your blessings. I bet you can find joy in all of the great things in your life too. I'm counting mine tonight. No matter what happens in my life I know I will have wonderful friends that always bring me joy.

quality time together

Having a pair of siblings 13 1/2 months apart can be a blessing and a curse. Believe me, when they are trying to attack each other, to the point my husband & I have to physically hold them away from each other, over hand sanitizer....the thought does enter my mind "What the heck were we thinking?"

Luckily for us, the blessings do seem to outnumber the curses. Oh don't get me wrong, they fight. Fight hard. And that is why my latest book of choice is Siblings Without Rivalry. But when they are getting along, they are the sweetest friends.

That is why I feel it is so important for them to spend some quality time together. Without me. Unsupervised. I think it is a growth process of relationship-building for them to spend some time together without anyone else. (Of course some adult should be in the house to intervene, if needed)

I have been doing this for a while and I think they both love that time also. I find they are much more imaginative if I'm not around. Maybe having to please an adult stifles the fearless, innocent imagination. As I type this I can hear them talking---They are getting on a boat (Kaya's bed) with their baby alligators to go to a party. I just heard Kaya say, "Zander, stop the boat! We have to go get the party decorations!!"

I've also eavesdropped on them when they snuggle in bed together and have "real" conversations.

Yesterday I went to check on them and Kaya said, "Mom please leave us alone. We are talking right now." Of course, I was curious to see what they were talking about.

"Don't worry Kaya, if you have bad dreams just pretend you are Batwoman."

"But Zander, I don't want to be Batwoman when I grow up, I want to be a mommy when I grow up."

"You can be both Kaya. Just become Batwoman when you are scared."

Yep, I think that was a good conversation for them. They learn so much from each other that they could never learn from Mom.

a day in the life of me

An often heard question,  "So what has been going on?"

My answer,  "Just taking care of the kids......being a stay-at-home mom."

Sounds simple,  maybe even boring and/or relaxing to some.

As I start to type this I've already heard twice,  "Mommy,  I'm hungry.  I want some more popcorn."

Lets backtrack about an hour.

I heard Kaya waking up and thought (optimistically,  I now know)...I'll get them both a snack,  put a load of clothes, in the washer, and take a quick shower while they watch the beginning of Mary Poppins.

(Just to let you know.......I had to go break up a "fight" right after I typed that sentence.  They were arguing because Kaya is on top of her sleeping bag and Zander wants her inside of it during their "snack & movie time".  Yes,  they both have separate ones.......why does it matter?  Jeez......)

So anyway I go to get Kaya out of bed and a little poopy surprise is waiting for me.  She has been potty-trained for a couple of weeks and I've been letting her sleep in her panties during naptime.  No accidents all week.  None at all until today.  On the clean sheets that I just changed on her bed.  

She obviously needs to be cleaned up.  The wipes are gone.  I suddenly remember they are in the car.  I run down to the car to get them and see that our soccer ball-pit is blowing away in the severe thunderstorm that is coming through.  I rush out to get the pit in the garage and frantically try to pick up the 350 balls that have fallen out of it.  As I'm doing that,  Zander and Kaya are at the back door wailing and screaming.  I run in,  "What's wrong?"  They cry,  "The storm is going to blow you away mom."  I assure them,  "No,  I don't really think the wind can pick mommy up and take me away right now.  I'm going to go get your balls picked up....you can watch right here at the door."

I'm sure the neighbors were laughing hilariously if they saw me out there on the ground rushing to pick up a bunch of balls before I either get struck by lightening,  get drenched in rain, or as the kids say get blown away.  I suddenly realize the kids are no longer crying.  I glance at the door.  

They are laughing.  Why would they be laughing, you ask?  Because they had gotten the sunscreen spray out (of the top of the island.....no matter how high up you put things,  they can climb to get it,  very ingenious kids I have).  The spray was covering the door,  the windows, and all of the cloth chairs in our kitchen.

I run in,  confiscate the spray,  and get as many balls as I think I safely can.  I got almost all of them,  only 25 or so are still outside.  I rush back in.  Tell the kids I'm finally gonna get the wipes......Kaya is smelling lovely by this time, yes.   I run to the car, come back inside.........

About 200 of the balls that I just picked up outside are now all over the kitchen floor.  I tell them both to pick them all up if they want popcorn and to use the kitchen towels to clean up all of the sunscreen.

My 30 minutes of laundry and shower time didn't go exactly as planned.

This isn't an unusual 30 minutes in my life.  Just another boring and/or relaxing day.  Yep,  a day in the life of me.  

teaching again

This week I have been away, in Kentucky, for Vacation Bible School. I take my kids because I remember going to Bible School each year as a child---and it is one of my fondest memories.

I have played the piano for the program the past two years but this year I also taught the preschool class.  It was a busy week, to say the least!

But I loved it.  When people ask me now, "Do you miss teaching? since I left the profession right before Z was born,  I usually say,  "No way,  how do I even have time to miss it?"

Just give me a little taste of it though and I can honestly say I do miss it.  

I don't miss the long hours (anyone who thinks a teacher works from 7:00-3:00 is sadly mistaken),  I don't miss the stacks of papers,  I don't miss the filing and documentation,  I don't miss the drama and political crap that rotates so quickly through the school.

I miss the important people.  The little guys.  It was good for me to teach this week.  Now I want to get my kiddos and myself back onto a schedule and do lessons on a regular basis again. 

I do activities with them often but lately I've just been surviving the day.  It is time to plan some educational fun!!!  (I'll post my "revised" schedule on 2Tots2Teach later today).

Just take a look at my sweet class and you'll see why working with them was a blast....

my life is full of *((&&!!@))S(()

Yep,  my life is full of it.  Full of poop,  penises, and vaginas.  (Now, aren't you glad there isn't a picture with this post).

You know,  if I was really vulgar and into that kind of stuff that would be one thing.  But no,  I'm just a stay-at-home mom of a 2 and 3 year old.

And they love to talk about their body parts and most recently (yippee!), poop.

They have always been fascinated by talking about their vagina and penis.  At first I thought,  maybe Matt and I shouldn't have made the decision to use the correct anatomically terms for their body parts.    Because they talked about them all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  In the store they would say,  "Mommy,  is that a girl?".  "Yes, that is a girl."  "So she has a VAGINA?"  For some reason the word "vagina" was always 50 decibels louder than anything else that was spoken.  

After I spoke to other friends,  they said that was totally normal,  except their kids say wee-wee, pee-pee, or weiner.....not vagina.  Somehow "VAGINA!!" isn't as cute coming out of a kids mouth in the middle of Publix.

After several car rides (when we had raisin snacks) I had to have a little talk with my loving little ones.  Because a raisin (or any type of berry or round object on a finger) looks like a penis to Kaya.  She would put a raisin on her finger and say, "Zander,  I'm going to say penis."  

Then it started,  "Penis,  Penis,  Penis!"  He, of course would laugh hysterically and join in the penis chat.  I had to hold my breath to not laugh hysterically with them sometimes......but did it anyway,  because I didn't want any unwelcome attention to the word.  

But finally I had it with the "Penis Conversations (or rather shouting matches)" .  I calmly explained to them.....

We can talk about penises and vaginas in the bathroom when we potty or only in the car if you whisper to each other.  Why I added the part about whispering.......probably so I could have some sort of "alone time" in the car.......if you call "alone time" listening to your favorite music while your kids whisper "penis" to each other.  

Now I'm regretting the whispering comment......

I was okay with being an easy-going mom and talking to my kids patiently when they were going through the "penis" or vagina" stage...........not so easy-going when we entered the "poop" and "pee" conversation stage....

The POOP obsession started a couple of days ago when we were going to a birthday party.  After about 20 minutes of hearing them talk about it,  Matt said "Stop talking about poop or we're not going to the party,  that is not nice conversation."  They continued so I said, "Lets talk about something else,  how about toys?"

So Zander says, "Toys."

And Kaya says, "Poop on toys."

I'm sure you can imagine how the remaining ten minutes of conversation went.

For some reason,  my patience is a lot more stout when I hear the word penis or vagina.  Not so much with the word POOP.  I'm sick of the word.  Sick,  sick,  sick!  If you're sick or my word "sick" multiply that by a million and you'll know how many times I heard the word "Poop" today.

Just five minutes into my day after Kaya awakes,  the "Poop" commentary begins.  

They wanted to watch Tinkerbell.  Since I needed to start some laundry and make some beds, I said "Okay".  They were so excited that I actually agreed to a movie early in the morning.  Before I even had one towel folded,  they started,  

"What's her name?

"Poop" ( with many giggles following)

"What does she do?"

"Poop on heads."  ( more giggles)

I could go on and on and on and on.........but I was trying to ignore them.......thinking that would work (ha).  So then I told them,  "If you keep talking about pooping on Tinkerbell, you're breaking our number one rule,  BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, because it isn't very kind to want to poop on Tinkerbell."

Oh, what the kind, patient Mother I am.  (Ha again).  The talk continued so I started moving clips which is part of my discipline plan I said I would share.......not working so much, is it......maybe I won't share.  Then,  after it kept going on for another 10 minutes,  I took away their most prized toys.  Still didn't work.    

Instead of working, it instead made my kids pour their cereal on the floor and start stomping on it and saying while laughing crazily,  "Step on Poop!  Step on Poop!"

So finally I thought,  I'm going to get on their level and talk to them.  I squatted down eye-to-eye to them both and said,  "Mommy is so sad that you guys aren't following our house rules (which are 1.  Be kind to each other & 2.  Listen to mom and dad) so let's talk about this."  "Talking about poop to people is not kind and you're not listening to me when I ask you to stop talking about poop. So can you please tell me what the rules in our house are?"

Zander looks at me and laughs,  "Rule number one...Poop on Mommy's head!!!" and Kaya repeats him and laughs like a maniac.  

I'm glad gave me a dose of self-control because I almost went crazy on both of them then.  

I then told them I was setting the timer and if their poop (oops, I mean cereal) wasn't picked up in two minutes I was taking the toys out of their playroom.

I guess it worked.  We still had moments today when Z bit K and she slapped him in the head.  We still had moments today when I was frantically picking up stuff for the cleaners tomorrow and K poured a whole bottle of powder on the floor while Z poured several cups of water on the floor.  We still had moments today when I was getting stuff ready for Pappaw Texas's birthday card and they poured bottles of glitter glue on the kitchen table and floor.

But we didn't talk about Poop.

Not until dinner,  after Daddy got home at least.  And it was just once......

Zander had to tell Kaya a secret,  across the table.  The secret was "Toys."  And her response was,  "Poop on toys."

But their daddy has the best plan.  He agrees that is probably a phase.  And he thinks when we get old,  we should just poop everywhere,  for them to clean up.  Even if we know better.  And we'll tell them,  "Your day has come little ones......your day has come."

I can't believe this is one of my longest posts, and it is all about poop.  Yep,  my life is full of it.

appropriate attire.....not necessary.....

I'm sure all of you have been invited to a party or occasion and wondered, "What should I wear?"

My daughter however, has no qualms, about appropriate attire.  We were getting ready for a birthday party today and she did put on a really cute sailor dress with striped tights.  BUT she also wanted to wear a Halloween Spider Hairband with little high-heel black shoes (although we were going to a bouncy-house for the party)  , because she told me "Canyon Loves Spiders mom AND it IS his birthday." She HAD to were "heely" sparkly shoes to a birthday party.  (She also tried to talk ME into wearing my VERY High Heel Purple print shoes to the party......because it "Is Canyon's birthday party, MOM",   I said no.......by the way).

So,  what do I do with two kids with very true opinions with their clothing choices? My son, by the way, only wants to wear shorts with "Holes in them,  like basketball shorts"  or any t-shirt with a character on it or my dad's city pool hall emblem shirts.   OR.....if none of those are clean.....how about just wearing pajamas for the whole day?

Yes,  I have one extreme to the other........

One child with the most casual clothes you could imagine on, and One child with the most fanciest clothes you could imagine on.

So,  a few days ago,  I let the kids dress themselves.  Zander, of course,  wanted to wear a tee shirt and shorts with holes in them.  Kaya,  of course,  wanted to wear one of the fanciest dresses in her closet.

We were staying at home.  I hid eggs outside to search for.  We painted inside.  We colored eggs outside.  We played on the swings outside.  Not really appropriate settings or situations for a fancy little red dress.  

To the Normal mind.

Not the Kaya mind.

And I can't really say I blame her.  If you can look pretty and wear a pretty dress,  go right ahead.  I often clean the house and put on my bright  red lipstick (while I wear sweats) to just make me feel better.

The fancy attire might not be appropriate..............but doesn't it make you feel SO GOOD inside! 

Go ahead,  wear something "fancy" today and make yourself feel just a little bit special!!!

reasons to love a rainy day

Snuggling in bed and watching Pinnochio

cute umbrellas and rain boots

the sound of the rain on the roof

long naps

creating fun crafts with the kids

yep, I'm getting older

Last week,  my hubby and I took our first trip alone in years.  For his birthday we went to his favorite place-Las Vegas.  

I remember the first time I went to Vegas.  I was thrilled by the sites,  the colorful demeanor of the people,  the novelty of it all.  I couldn't get enough and couldn't contain my excitement.  We walked everywhere and I found the strip fascinating.  We even walked almost an hour to get cheap margaritas.

That was then.

Now...

I get annoyed that there is construction going on and there are so many people handing out stuff to sell.  I say to Matt,  "Is this walk to the restaurant more than 15 minutes?"  By the time we eat and get back I'm saying,  "Oh get me inside away from these crazies."

I don't think I've ever felt older.  
But besides feeling (and I guess actually getting) older.....one thing didn't change.  How much I enjoy being with Matt.  This trip helped me remember how funny he is,  how kind and thoughtful he can be, and why I used to want to spend every minute together.  It was nice to be best friends and lovers again,  not just Zander and Kaya's mom & dad.  

free at last

Yesterday I was reorganizing the playroom for the 50th time (because I just can't get it exactly how I want it) and heard the kids in the living room yelling, "Free at Last. Free at last."

I walked into the room and noticed Oprah was on and the speech by Martin Luther King Jr. was being aired. Zander looked up at me and said, "Who is that man mama? I like him." I guess charismatic people touch everyone.....through the ages. The show then moved to a clip of Barack Obama and Zander said, "Barack Obama, he's my favorite." Kaya started clapping and they both were jumping up and down saying "Free at Last!" again.

Of course I teared up, immediately pressed record on the remote, and tried to capture the moment again on camera. But the moment was fleeting. I'm glad I got to see it when I did. To have a two and three year old understand something important was happening and showing compassion truly touched my heart. I really don't tell them my political opinions or anything about government at this age just the importance of everyone being treated kindly.

I'm glad I got to see the glimpse of kindness and compassion. Happy Inagauration Day to you all!

living by hope

Living with Hope

Optimism and hope are radically different attitudes. Optimism is the expectation that things-the weather, human relationships, the economy, the political situation, and so on-will get better. Hope is the trust that God will fulfill God's promises to us in a way that leads us to true freedom. The optimist speaks about concrete changes in the future. The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands.

All the great spiritual leaders in history were people of hope. Abraham, Moses, Ruth, Mary, Jesus, Rumi, Gandhi, and Dorothy Day all lived with a promise in their hearts that guided them toward the future without the need to know exactly what it would look like. Let's live with hope. --Henri J.B. Nouwen

I received this inspirational message in my inbox today and realized it couldn't come at a better time.

I think of myself as an optimist.  Always trying to plan to make things better for the future.  The problem is that I get frustrated when things don't go exactly according to plan.  Travel plans change,  unexpected playdates occur,  daily chores have to be done,  little ones get sick (Kaya has an ear infection & respiratory infection and Zander has pneumonia now).  My first instinct when things don't go according to my schedule is to blame myself and question how I could have arranged our time and events better. 

I think God is having a grand old chuckle now.  He's probably glad I'm figuring it out.....I'm not really the one in charge here.  So as I struggle to let go of my desire to control the world.....let me live by hope.

some of my favorite christmas photos

I know.......I promised Christmas pictures a couple of weeks ago.  I have tried to quickly pick out my favorites tonight but there are so many.  Here are a very small sample of the moments I loved so much about the Christmas season.

I'll share all of them with the friends and family (mainly grandparents) later on with my snapfish or photobucket accounts.  I haven't blogged for a while because I'm just enjoying every minute of my life.

We've had so much going on lately.  Of course,  we loved our Kentucky visits,  Christmas day, and our New Year's Dip-dip-dip-dip Dip it in it party.  We also had a fantastic time going to Texas to surprise Granny Annie for her 90th birthday,  our visit to see Bob the Builder,  and our first gymnastic lesson.  

In the midst of all of these fun activities I've also tried to put our house back into some kind of order and have a more "structured" preschool curriculum with the kids.  Yes,  life is busy.  I've thought many times.....maybe I should blog about this.  And,  maybe I will.  But until then I'm perfectly content enjoying my fabulously busy, fabulously enriching life.  

catching up

Is it really December 20th? Did the month really fly by that quickly?

I feel like I've been in a haste since the day after Thanksgiving. Rushing around, working continuously...........it is almost a blur.

I had to get ready for all of our Christmases by yesterday since we were going on our yearly whirlwind trip in Kentucky. All of this week I've been saying, "I have two days (or one, whatever) until Christmas, not seven."

But everything got finished. I did it. Now it is time to catch up.

Time to catch up with family.
Time to catch up with playing with my kiddos with no time limitations.
Time to catch up on sleep because grandparents love getting up with Zander and Kaya ( I had 9 hours last night...........heavenly).
Time to catch up on blogging (which I have truly missed sharing my thoughts with you).

It is so nice to actually prepare for Christmas so early and to have these moments with my family to enjoy. I look forward to sharing some of our favorite moments with you soon.

looking forward to some relaxation....

I am so looking forward to going to Kentucky this week to spend time with my parents.  The kids are eager to go to--they know grandpa and grandma will find everything they do hilarious,  without mom being as strict!

The past few days I've been running around like a crazy chicken with its head cut off to try to get all the Christmas decor up,  do some "fun activities" with the kids,  and "clean" the house well enough for real cleaners to come finish the job.  

I know a few months ago I was wishing I had the capabilities to physically do all of these things.  Now that I do,  I'm dog-tired.  Last week I kept wondering why the doctor said, "It could take you up to six months after your surgery to feel like yourself again."  I was bursting with energy.....doing so many things....except vacuuming ( I quickly learned why it is suggested NOT to do that after a hysterectomy so soon).  And then,  like my crazy self,  I decided to do way too much in way too little time.

But the night is almost over and I'm gonna let that last load of laundry just sit in the dryer until I get home.  I'm also going to wait to put up my big nativity scene (I already have one up, for pete's sake).  And I'm going to take my Christmas Card stuff up to my mom's to finish the cards (besides me,  who else handcrafts 130 cards.....I think I can send them out a little later than the first week of December).  And if I don't ever get them finished---that's okay too.

Other news....I may or may not be blogging this week.  For one,  our search for the camera didn't go as planned.  So, I'm still trying to work with a dysfunctional one.  But,  I did get some pictures of my advent activity I'm doing with the kids I'll try to share.  I got the pictures by sticking a knife down into the battery compartment and jiggling it,  don't ask--it is too sad for my camera these days.    I'll try to post those in the morning before I leave.  Or I may go ahead and get on the road, and do that task later,  as I head to Grandparent Land.....where I can take some little breaks in the day...

short and blonde

Experimenting with my hair is not a new thing.  I've been doing it for years.  I think there has not been a year in the past ten that I kept the same color and cut for a full 12 months.  I keep trying to find what I like the best.

For several years now I would get in a mood to let my hair grow out.  I do for a while and finally get disgusted once it looks like a bird's nest or I start clipping it up in barrettes better suited for a six-year old.  And then I keep going to different stylists asking them to give me a new,  sassier, more updated look.   I usually love my new look for about 2 weeks and then decide it isn't really worth the hassle of blow-drying my hair straight or adding 4-5 products to upkeep this new look.  (I have very course hair which is wavy and wild when not tamed). 

And color.  Oh the colors I have adorned!  I truly am not sure there is one I haven't experimented with.  It used to be so bad that every time I went back home my cousin Jeff and friend Willy would usually look me over and say,  "Well, what color is it this time?"  I know they won't be disappointed that I've gone back one of my boldest (and most unnatural) colors.

I think I've been in the mindset that as a mom I should have natural-looking,  flowing hair.  That I would be that cute little mom pushing my stroller with my hair blowing back in the breeze.   So put together with my beautiful children.   But I'm not that perfect little mom....

So I decided to go back to my short and blonde look.  I've tried to go this blonde with my last two "professional" colorings.  The stylist would just say "That blonde.  Oh,  I don't think you want to do that all at once.  Lets go gradual."

I don't know if it was my impatience, my budget, or Matt saying, "You used to color your hair all the time by yourself and I always liked it better" that made me just go for it and go blonde again.  And short again.  

I do love being short and blonde and he loves it too.  It is much easier to work with and when I look in the mirror, I think it looks like me.  Not the me I've been thinking I should look like lately.   

let's go voting

I was ready to vote bright and early this morning. I was fortunate enough to have a perfect little assistant to help me with my voting. I took Zander with me because I remember as a child voting with my parents. It seemed much cooler then though with the levers on the machines and pulling the curtain around you (very wizard-of-ozish).

But the excitement of voting must be contagious for young ones. Zander very patiently waited outside in the parking lot with me for 1 hour and 45 minutes. He kept squeezing his hands up to his face and saying "Are we going to vote?" excitedly, about every 2 minutes. He thought the whole process was so intriguing and especially loved getting his "I'm a Georgia Voter" sticker.



After waiting for so long I thought he would want to go home.....especially since we had donuts waiting at the house to eat with Kaya and Grandma. But after I cast my ballot he immediately wanted to go wait in line and vote again. As grandma said, "Such a good little democrat." He can't wait for Daddy to come home from work early so he can once again, go voting.

I hope everyone has a great election day and enjoyed your voting process.

why

Oh the wonderful stage of three, the whys?

I remember before this was my actual child doing the why asking I thought it was so cute. Why did parents get so annoyed? Their children are just curious, exploring, fascinated by the world. Why would you want to squish that enthusiasm?

Why or Why Not? Those are the questions.

Now that I'm in that phase I just look back at my past self and say, "See, you don't know everything. You shouldn't have judged those moms."

Because now I hear Why or Why Not approximately 4 million times a day. And I wouldn't mind if the questions were actual questions that want to know why something is happening. Zander wants to know why about everything. Everything. For example, he and Kaya want to go downstairs to play. So my mom tells them, "lets go downstairs to play." "Why?"he asks. "Because you wanted to go." He answers, "Why?". "Well, why did you want to go?". "Why not?" he answers.

No, we no longer can even get through the most simple daily rituals without hearing Why or Why not. ( I think I've heard it at least 20 times in the background as I've typed this.)

In the midst of the Whys and Why Nots I have tried to keep my cool. I have tried to shove it in my brain that this is a totally normal developmental phase. But this morning, I had it, I had one too many Whys directed to my morning foggy brain that had yet to fill up with its required daily dose of coffee. I had it and went, "Aargh! Then Zander said ( of course), "Why did you say Aargh?" I answer, "Because you ask me why without really wanting to know why, and it aggravates mommy." And then he laughed and said, "I know, it is funny."

Why, Oh Why......Why not aggravate mommy when you know it will?

letting go

My heart is breaking today......and I know some of you will call me wimpy. Matt is taking my two babies on a trip to Kentucky for four days.......and it kills me to think of being without their cheerful faces that long.

Now, this was originally my idea. Pre-surgery, before I was so emotional and attached to my little ones, I said "Well you could take them for the weekend to go visit your family while I recuperate." I think in my mind that I thought he would go Friday after work, then be home by Sunday afternoon. That I could handle.

But they are leaving this afternoon. I feel like such a weepy, crazy mess. How can I be this attached? I do think if I wasn't so bored resting and recuperating, I would handle this much better.

So I'm gonna try to suck those tears back in, kiss and hug the little ones like crazy before they leave, and wish them the best time. My mom is still here helping out so maybe she can knit while I quilt or cross-stitch and we will watch tons of LIfetime movies. And hopefully I'll be a tough mom this weekend who can live without her kiddos.

trashy tuesdays

Tuesdays are a day of celebration in our house. The kids hear a familiar sound and rush outside to wait......




To see their favorite truck. The trash truck.


When the trash truck leaves, they jump up and down and wave frantically while saying "Bye-Bye Trash Truck! Thank you Trash Truck!" The guys working always wave back and smile (if they hear them over the loud trash truck).

Shouldn't we all be so thankful for the trash truck and the things in our lives that make life that much easier.

you don't know what you've got.....

Being unable to do all the things all I love to do for a few weeks makes me realize what I miss most. Like lifting up my kids and bending over to put on socks. I just have the strongest urge to grab Zander and Kaya up and snuggle them to pieces and lift them up and down. I also don't think I've ever had colder feet until now, that I have to ask for help to put socks on. I had an emotional moment earlier this week when I cried over all of these things. I guess Immediate Menopause will do that to you.

But I also have missed something else. My brain. Seriously. I'm convinced when I was under anesthesia that they took a portion of it along with all of my womanly organs.

When I started reading about how long the recovery process could take I made so many plans for things to do while I rested. So many crafts. So many books. So many things to journal and scrapbook about.

But now I have the attention span of a flea. I do still have enough brain matter to read mindless magazines and watch every ridiculous show on television though. For all of the things I'm missing right now I have gained a few things.

Like, how to make sure my eyes are highlighted to their fullest potential with eyeshadow, due to the numerous makeover shows like Tim Gunn's Guide to Style & What Not to Wear that I have watched in the past week. But these shows also make me dream of outfits I can recreate from pieces I already own in my closet. And they've made me fantasize about getting gorgeous purses, shoes, and coats...a girl can dream, can't she?

I've also caught up on all of the Snapped shows on the Oxygen channel. Yep, that is the show about women who "snap" and commit horrific crimes. But that is not as bad as Wife Swap (which I think a month ago I said I would refuse to watch such a show). I've also caught a few of the Disney Channel teeny-bopper shows to deal with my mindlessness.

But my guiltiest, most mindless, pleasure of the week has been watching Gossip Girl. I rented the first discs from NetFlix and have become slightly addicted. Yes, I know that it is sad that a 32-year old woman gets so much joy out of watching over-indulgent, rich teenagers party, catfight, and get in all sorts of trouble. But those rich, spoiled kids have grown on me and I thoroughly enjoy it.

I miss my physical abilities and I miss my brain. But here's to mindlessness.....I'll get back to me (hopefully) in a couple of weeks. I only have so much time to catch up on trashy magazine reading & ridiculous tv watching.