a different perspective

I was SO dreading Halloween.

Halloween was MY holiday. My favorite HOLIDAY. I mean for pete's sake, I established Falloween for the past TEN YEARS to garner excitement for the day. I was the one who made elaborate treats, elaborate costumes, elaborate "excitement" for everyone involved. Even BEFORE I had kids.

So I was hurt this year. Hurt that the costume I had planned for my kids, and actually made for Kaya, was vetoed.

They are with dad this year. The ultra-sticker stabber of divorce. It made me sad. The kids told me that dad already ordered their costumes so my plans were out the window---because it was "dad's day". I wanted to say something, but kept my mouth closed.

I swallowed my pride and went to his house for "trick-or-treat".

BUT...

it was kind of nice being the "visiting" parent and not have to deal with the costume malfunctions.

it was kind of nice being the "visiting" mom.....which made them so excited to see me.

it was kind of nice being the "visiting" parent...who had tons of fun with them getting candy but not the one that had to get them to bed after they had all of that candy.

it was kind of nice visiting with all of my "old" neighbors and enjoying them....without worrying about what my kids were doing.

Yes, it's hard. It's hard not having my kids each night......but I'm going to count my blessings tonight for all the GOOD THINGS that happened.

It is a different way of life, a different perspective....but it is all good....thanks to all of you.

all you need is love

Today, I was filled with guilt......as a single mom, I'm trying to make an income. I'm working my book business as much as I can to make a comfortable living for myself and my children. But it is tough.....I still ask my parents, who are the greatest blessing, for help and I still am blessed by friends and the kindness of strangers to get what I need. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.

This morning I got up at 5:00 even though I didn't "have to get up" until about 7:30. I got up to exercise, pray, and have some time to myself. While I'm praying I didn't have the "best" attitude. I'm angry with how life is going.....I want things to get resolved....I want things to go my way. But I read some scripture: Matthew 26:36-39. At first I didn't want to read it because I thought "God, REALLY I have to read Mattthew.......kind of ironic...but my DivorceCare passage said do it." But in that is the passage where Jesus prays before he is crucified and he says " My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

I'm not trying to say my "CUP" is a fraction of big of what Jesus was going through at that time....but that scripure hit me. I WANT my kids.....I miss them.....It HURTS...it kills my heart. Some may think I'm a wimp because I do see them at least a few times a week and sometimes 5 days at a time. But I am used to seeing them EVERY DAY......for most of their life. Splitting custody and only seeing them for days at a time instead of each day BREAKS my heart.

So today was my day to get them.......I was so excited. But also overwhelmed with guilt. I have a bookfair going on that I am working ( to make that money I was talking about) and the bookfair open-houses are tonight and tomorrow night......when I have my kids. I was so torn between working and spending time with my kids that my heart was aching.

BUT I had to take them with me. I knew they could behave. I took lots of stuff for them to do to occupy themselves. I even told them they could "work" for a book by passing out bookmarks and stickers. BUT I felt guilty.

BUT the bookfair experience went beautifully for my kids. THEY LOVED IT! When we left, Kaya said "Mom, I love going to work with you....can we do it again?" Zander said, "Mom, I just love Wednesdays when I get to spend time with you and I love working bookfairs.....you are the nicest and most fun mom ever."

Guess my "cup" is getting taken care of.

Then we get home. It is so cold here in Atlanta.....30 degree weather in October!! And I figure out my furnace burners and heat does not work now.......and it is too late for anyone to come fix it!! So, I tell the kids.....you know what, lets all sleep together in mom's bed.....with lots of quilts. (I'm typing this now in my sweatsuit, robe, and snuggly socks because it is SO COLD in our house....a brisk 50 degrees). I also read to them the "Little House in The Big Woods" by Laura Ingalls Wilder, about when they had such a cold winter that they all had to bundle together under quilts to keep warm. I told them that was what we were doing tonight. Zander just giggled and said, "Oh Mom, this is the BEST night of my life. I LOVE spending time with you...no matter the problem, we figure it out." Oh he thinks we are living the "old-timey" life but I am warming all the quilts in the dryer......thank goodness we have electricity!!

SWEET BOY. I am BLESSED. I was so worried about being a working single-mom---and worried they would gripe about the heat.......BUT my sweet kids showed me my "cup" is being taken care of and all we need is LOVE.

just a reminder

This morning was one of those mornings where I woke up about an hour before I needed to and thought I'll just get up. My plan was to clean some of the files off of the computer so it can work a little faster and I can read email once again.

I first took a glance at some of my old pictures and found this picture taken exactly a year ago today...

My sweet little boy. Helping without complaining. Ask and he will nicely do---

Boy, I needed that reminder. Because fast-forward to now and YIKES!!! My prayer each day now as I get him ready for school: Please God, give me the patience and strength not to slap that smart mouth. So far, the prayer has worked.....but barely....

Thank goodness he doesn't act like that at school yet. But boy, I have to nip this attitude-thing or I'm afraid he will. Kaya and I will be having a perfect day and he comes in the door and lets us know how much he doesn't like us, how everything is so stupid, how his life is just so horrible.... I feel so privileged that he saves his obnoxious behavior for us at home.

I have ordered the book Have You Filled Your Bucket Today? that a friend suggested and it can not get here soon enough. I just want my sweet child back. I want my child back that realizes that people don't want to be around him when he complains about everything, makes ugly faces at everyone, and just acts like a jerk to those who love him the most.

Until then, I will look at these pictures that seem so sweet. To remind myself-----he CAN be kind, he WILL be kind, and this too MUST pass.

hoping they remember this

A few weeks ago I was reading a book to the kids that had a maze in it and they loved doing it---they are definitely in a maze-craze right now. I asked them, "Do you remember the corn maze at the farm we went to the last few years?" They had no clue---they didn't even remember going to a pumpkin patch. It truly surprised me that they had no memory of us going the last 3 years, every year, in the fall.

So they then decided they wanted to surprise their daddy with a trip to the maze. They kept it secret for most of the week besides the one clue K gave her dad, "BIG Corn!" He really thought we were crazy and had no clue what they were so excited about until the last day, when Zan couldn't handle it anymore and spilled the beans!

It was such a perfect day......a corn maze, pony rides,
Sitting on the tractor,

Holding hands with each other to search for their favorite pumpkins.

Here's hoping they never forget this perfect day of fall fun!

a budget birthday

Is it wrong to enjoy being sick so I can lie in bed and do things I enjoy.......read, watch tv, read endless crafty blogs which stir up way too many ideas in my head?

Since I am supposed to be resting---and I get winded just by walking around a few minutes---I thought I could take advantage of my "time" in planning the ultimate superhero party for Zan. I can't believe his 5th birthday will be here in a few weeks! As much as I dislike superhero stuff, he loves it, and I'm going to attempt to make the birthday spectacular!

I made the cutest invites with this picture and Vistaprint......which I am not letting myself visit anymore while "resting"---I am seriously addicted to the site.

I have also found SO MANY cute things to buy for the party but decided I am going to make myself make use of the insane amount of craft supplies and fabrics I already have to see how cheap I can make this fantastic party....I shall keep you all posted!

Now I am off to coloring more coloring sheets (out of superhero coloring books just collecting dust in the playroom) for decorations for the party in a few weeks.......since I love to color this is the perfect way to recover from walking pneumonia.......ah---the piece, the quiet, the craftiness, the thriftiness.....

so much to say

Did I see the last date correctly? March 10th!!! Yes, I do have so much to say---some of you have been giving me the guilt trip for not posting lately! I shall get to it soon!!

Until then, enjoy my little dancer---so proud of him for loving to boogie to Dave Matthews!

art for grandma

How I miss the snuggly babies that nursed and looked at me with adoring eyes?

But I also love this age---the age of creativity and unrestraint. I love it that Kaya has an enthusiasm for art like I do and that Zan will participate on occasion. We have had such fun this month painting together.

This first painting is one I made for my Mother-in-Law for her birthday. It is a watercolor that was inspired by I picture I took of my kids on the beach on a previous visit.
While I worked on my painting, Zander and Kaya painted with me on their own works of art for their Grandma.

Isn't this the cutest jellyfish family you have ever seen? Kaya named it "Jellyfish Making Bubbles." She spent all day on it---coming back to touch up and add different colors.
And my reluctant artist made the octopus. Once he finished he said, "You're right mom. This is kind of fun and it looks pretty cool."

snow day

Last week when areas of the country that rarely have snow got covered, we actually got some of the white stuff. I was pretty sure this would be all we would see so I let the kids run out and enjoy it while playing dress-up. Now I notice what a crazy mother I am since they are not wearing coats......we were caught up in the moment of catching snowflakes. But after a snuggly nap and watching the movie, SnowBuddies, we saw some thick snow!

Thick enough for a snowangel!
Fluffy enough to slide down the hill in...
Enough accumulation to make a snowman!
And Zan's favorite.....plenty for a snowball fight!
We enjoyed our Winter Wonderland. I'm sure we enjoyed it because we haven't been stuck in it all Winter. It was a beautiful sight!

3 pictures I love.....making a cake for daddy

sand art

This was such a fun activity to do with my kids. It occupied them for at least 30 minutes and they made something that they can keep on their shelf to display!

You can get colored sand and the tools & containers at any craft store for fairly inexpensive.....especially with coupons and sales! They loved creating the different layers in the fish and triceratops.

I think my neat & tidy husband has no clue about what we do during the day or he would have an anxiety attack! We had a mess EVERYWHERE. My philosophy is if it is creative art you can't worry about making a mess. It really is a good thing that I don't live by myself---I'm pretty certain there would be paint, fabric, and glitter EVERYWHERE.
So I'm go glad I have good helpers! They swept, vacuumed, and scrubbed the kitchen to perfection because they know how their Dad is too. As Zander said, "Daddy is really going to be mad when he sees this mess."

No worries though (just for you, Kara)....the table was soon shining with cleanliness.
And their projects turned out great!!

if you wanna stay up late

Once a week my dear husband goes to play in a racquetball at the gym at night. On those nights, Kaya usually goes to bed very easily. Zander does about 30% of the time. Lately, he has it in his head that he can't go to sleep unless Daddy is at home. I don't know why, since he would be in bed and not see him anyway.

So last week he kept getting up. And kept getting up. Usually I just walk him back and say it is bedtime. Go to sleep. Do not get up.

But that night I really wanted to finish cleaning the kitchen. I didn't have time to keep escorting him back to his room. Or time to argue with with him about why it was bedtime.

So I let him stay up late. On one condition---help me clean.

I have to say he is much more thorough at cleaning the floor. Probably because he sits there and wants to get every speck of dirt up. I do it so much that it isn't so exciting for me, I just want to get it done!

He also got a shelf mirror clean in our living room that had looked awful. So bad that we were thinking of replacing it. Now it sparkles!!!

So my agreement with him "If you wanna stay up late, you have to do chores", worked out well for both of us. What chores can I have him do next time?

quality time together

Having a pair of siblings 13 1/2 months apart can be a blessing and a curse. Believe me, when they are trying to attack each other, to the point my husband & I have to physically hold them away from each other, over hand sanitizer....the thought does enter my mind "What the heck were we thinking?"

Luckily for us, the blessings do seem to outnumber the curses. Oh don't get me wrong, they fight. Fight hard. And that is why my latest book of choice is Siblings Without Rivalry. But when they are getting along, they are the sweetest friends.

That is why I feel it is so important for them to spend some quality time together. Without me. Unsupervised. I think it is a growth process of relationship-building for them to spend some time together without anyone else. (Of course some adult should be in the house to intervene, if needed)

I have been doing this for a while and I think they both love that time also. I find they are much more imaginative if I'm not around. Maybe having to please an adult stifles the fearless, innocent imagination. As I type this I can hear them talking---They are getting on a boat (Kaya's bed) with their baby alligators to go to a party. I just heard Kaya say, "Zander, stop the boat! We have to go get the party decorations!!"

I've also eavesdropped on them when they snuggle in bed together and have "real" conversations.

Yesterday I went to check on them and Kaya said, "Mom please leave us alone. We are talking right now." Of course, I was curious to see what they were talking about.

"Don't worry Kaya, if you have bad dreams just pretend you are Batwoman."

"But Zander, I don't want to be Batwoman when I grow up, I want to be a mommy when I grow up."

"You can be both Kaya. Just become Batwoman when you are scared."

Yep, I think that was a good conversation for them. They learn so much from each other that they could never learn from Mom.

how to make reindeer food

reindeer food recipe:

uncooked oatmeal

lots of glitter

ziploc bag

tons of imagination

Pour oatmeal into a ziploc bag. Sprinkle a tube of your favorite color glitter into the bag with the oatmeal. Seal the bag and shake vigorously.

Sprinkle the food on your lawn and porch for Rudolph and his buddies to eat. (the glitter bounces off the moonlight so they will be sure to find your house)

See the wonder in your little ones' eyes when the food has been "eaten" the next morning. "Look, there is muddy hoof-prints left by the reindeer too!"

christmas dancers

I am thankful for "dishes"

Chores. Really, who enjoys them? I am not the greatest housekeeper in the world but I try to keep it together as much as I can.

But a few months ago, being the stay-at-home mom and primary housekeeper, the lack of respect from my kids for all the chores was driving me crazy. I would work like crazy and they would follow along and work like crazy to mess it all up!

So the introduction of the chore chart began. Each day the kids were responsible for 3 chores. We did this faithfully for about 3 weeks then with the craziness of life I forgot to keep it up!

But they still do chores (I guess the "chore-system" worked after all). Now all I have to say is, "Go make up your bed." "Go pick up your toys so mom can vacuum." And they do it......most of the time.

But the new chore they love the most is helping me wash dishes. Which is ironic, because that is the chore I despise the most. I HATE washing dishes. And I HATE putting dishes away. If I could hire a little fairy to do those jobs every day, I would be in heaven.

I remember when I was 11 or 12, that chore became part of my daily life. I HATED it! I remember telling my mom once, "You only had me so I would wash your dishes. I will NEVER make my kids wash dishes."

I still don't like to do it. I will cook a feast for an army but I hate the clean-up. A couple of my friends that come over for playdates or parties always do the dishes for me (and I love them dearly for it!). I will cook for you........but I never volunteer to wash the dishes unless necessary.

So, gulp, yep, I'm eating my words. Not only are my kids washing dishes......they are doing it at 3 and 4 years old. They do a great job, too! It is amazing....they actually fight over who gets to help wash dishes each night. It has become a kind of game. Whomever acts the best during dinner, gets to wash the dishes. I'm dumbfounded. They love to do it!

And now, after 20 years of hating getting my hands in that soapy, greasy water.....I love it too. I'm thankful that my kids love doing dishes so much. It makes that chore quite a bit more cheerful! Especially when Kaya says (everytime), "Mom, washing dishes with you is my favorite part of the day." And last night Zander said, "Mom, Kaya was right. This is really a lot of fun."

You both are right kids, it is a lot of fun. And spending time with the two of you when we wash dishes is my favorite part of the day too.

lunchtime conversation

My greatest moments of laughter is usually when I hear the kids conversing with each other and I am not around. This afternoon, I went upstairs to put some clothes in the dryer while the kids were finishing lunch.

I heard Kaya say, "Zander, your new name is Hamster." (She loves to give people new names, my newest name is Hot-peep).

Zander said, "Kaya you can only call me Hamster if you know how to spell Hamster."

She answers, "H. R. D. N. Y."

He then says, "Well, your new name is Rod Stewart."

Kaya, "Who is Rod Stewart?"

Zander replies, "Rod Stewart is one of mommy's best friends."

Hope all of you are having a great day. Hot-peep, Hamster, and Rod Stewart are now going out to enjoy some sunshine!!

first tee-ball gameday

protecting hearts

I don't want to be THAT MOM. As I told Matt, when I talk to my former-teacher, now stay-at-home friends, they know what THAT MOM means. THAT MOM is the one who interferes in every problem.......THAT MOM is the one who complains about everything that goes on.......THAT MOM protects her child so much that he or her can't make his or her own decisions on how to cope with life.

But I had to shred my stereotypical visions of that woman and become THAT MOM myself.

A few weeks ago I signed my kids up for tee-ball. At first we were only going to sign Zander up for the (4 and under) group but then they told me they would gladly welcome Kaya also who will be 3 in weeks. (And she is doing awesome, by the way, for about 30 minutes.....then she wants to kick dirt or look in the grass).

So we go the first practice. It was so cute. It was actually one of my most favorite nights ever as a parent. BUT I did notice that Zander was the only boy on his team. Which was fine---because like he said, "I love girls. I hope there are more girls on my team." And the coach said, "I hope he doesn't mind we are the Purple Rockets." I said, "That will be awesome. He loves purple and he loves Rockets."

So we were a little curious about how he was the only boy. I had signed him up, for him, to have another activity, to have more boys to hang out with. Truly he doesn't have any boy friends his age. Mostly girls....which he loves. I chalked it up to the tee ball league being run by the Girl's Softball League in our county. Even though sign-ups said "coed" I thought this might be the case.

I'm living in a state of bliss about how cute all the kids are at tee-ball. I even signed on to be the Team Mom ( and by golly, our kids are going to get the best of the best, since I am the Team Mom......I'm just that way).

And then we go to our 2nd practice......

When I walk up I see 2 teams practicing (we always practice with two teams) and notice 4 boys on a team of six. And the other team has 5 boys and one girl on a team. I was thinking, "Oh my gosh......I hope that is a team of five year olds." They could all hit the ball and run the bases, much unlike our team of girls that are so unfocused it is crazy (and pretty humorous, I must add).

Then our team practices with the other team. The other team has 3 boys and 3 girls and all the boys can hit. Sadly, on our team, Zan is the only one that can hit the ball a reasonable distance. I notice this but don't really care. They don't even keep score in the games. I'm sure this will be fun to watch and fun for the kids.

Then practice ends. Our coach says, "Oh I'm sorry he is the only boy on our team. During draft I picked him because I liked the name and thought it was a girl name. I thought it would be cute to have an all-girl team."

I then asked, " Are there only 2 teams in the league?". Then I heard , "Oh no. There are 6 teams. Most of them are entirely boys."

I paused. I was kind. I said, "Oh that is okay. He likes purple and he likes girls." Then her mom says, " If you can find a friend of his to join the team that would be great because we need one more player."

Matt & I drove home trying to think of a boy friend to join us. The problem is I only know one boy, and I don't want to pressure his mom to do this since she has more kids, to do this.

And this fiasco is what I thought about all night and the next day.

Should I care he is the only boy on his team on this league?

Like I said, I don't want to be THAT MOM. I talked to 3 friends today about the situation because it bothered me so much. Zan doesn't seem to care now but I can just envision his first game against a team with a bunch of boys and the humiliation that will go through his mind. I can just see him shaking hands after the game and a little boy saying, "You're on a team with all girls" and my little boy being in tears afterwards.

Zander is a sensitive guy. He is more sensitive at times than Kaya. Things bother him. He doesn't miss a detail. His little heart is just so open to all but also so prone to be broken and shattered.

So I made the call. I called the coach today and explained that the kids loved tee-ball but I didn't think it was fair and my son would probably be heart-broken and mortified when he realized his team was the only one with "all girls". I explained to her that I would appreciate if she found a solution, so I wouldn't have to make this a lot of trouble for everyone. Cross your fingers that happens!

At first I was thinking, "oh he is fine. not a big deal. He can deal with it!" But then I decided, as a mom, sometimes I do have to be that mom and ensure my little hearts of my kids are protected.

I truly don't want to make a mess out of all of this but I just want one other boy on the team so my son won't be ostracized. I did this for him to have fun and make friends. I really didn't want the DRAMA but maybe I've already created it. I'm so aggravated about it now that I'm almost tempted to contact the league supervisor but I also don't want to shake up and disappoint 36 more kids. It is a tough one....

What do you guys think? Am I really THAT MOM? Or did I do the right thing?

shaving cream and water

Last year when I got the shaving cream out to play with, write letters with, or create sculptures with my kids needed LOTS of supervision. Now I can squirt some out on the picnic table and let them go to work. They will play contently forever, sometimes I can even manage to unload the dishwasher while I watch from the kitchen window.

For extra fun you can add food coloring. We like to make designs and also mix primary colors together to make secondary colors.

Or sometimes they just like to rub it all over their play set.

This is super messy as you can tell so get out the hose for some quick clean-up!

Yep, I think the "clean-up" may be their favorite part!