Wednesday, August 26, 2009

protecting hearts

I don't want to be THAT MOM. As I told Matt, when I talk to my former-teacher, now stay-at-home friends, they know what THAT MOM means. THAT MOM is the one who interferes in every problem.......THAT MOM is the one who complains about everything that goes on.......THAT MOM protects her child so much that he or her can't make his or her own decisions on how to cope with life.

But I had to shred my stereotypical visions of that woman and become THAT MOM myself.

A few weeks ago I signed my kids up for tee-ball. At first we were only going to sign Zander up for the (4 and under) group but then they told me they would gladly welcome Kaya also who will be 3 in weeks. (And she is doing awesome, by the way, for about 30 minutes.....then she wants to kick dirt or look in the grass).

So we go the first practice. It was so cute. It was actually one of my most favorite nights ever as a parent. BUT I did notice that Zander was the only boy on his team. Which was fine---because like he said, "I love girls. I hope there are more girls on my team." And the coach said, "I hope he doesn't mind we are the Purple Rockets." I said, "That will be awesome. He loves purple and he loves Rockets."

So we were a little curious about how he was the only boy. I had signed him up, for him, to have another activity, to have more boys to hang out with. Truly he doesn't have any boy friends his age. Mostly girls....which he loves. I chalked it up to the tee ball league being run by the Girl's Softball League in our county. Even though sign-ups said "coed" I thought this might be the case.

I'm living in a state of bliss about how cute all the kids are at tee-ball. I even signed on to be the Team Mom ( and by golly, our kids are going to get the best of the best, since I am the Team Mom......I'm just that way).
And then we go to our 2nd practice......
When I walk up I see 2 teams practicing (we always practice with two teams) and notice 4 boys on a team of six. And the other team has 5 boys and one girl on a team. I was thinking, "Oh my gosh......I hope that is a team of five year olds." They could all hit the ball and run the bases, much unlike our team of girls that are so unfocused it is crazy (and pretty humorous, I must add).

Then our team practices with the other team. The other team has 3 boys and 3 girls and all the boys can hit. Sadly, on our team, Zan is the only one that can hit the ball a reasonable distance. I notice this but don't really care. They don't even keep score in the games. I'm sure this will be fun to watch and fun for the kids.

Then practice ends. Our coach says, "Oh I'm sorry he is the only boy on our team. During draft I picked him because I liked the name and thought it was a girl name. I thought it would be cute to have an all-girl team."

I then asked, " Are there only 2 teams in the league?". Then I heard , "Oh no. There are 6 teams. Most of them are entirely boys."

I paused. I was kind. I said, "Oh that is okay. He likes purple and he likes girls." Then her mom says, " If you can find a friend of his to join the team that would be great because we need one more player."

Matt & I drove home trying to think of a boy friend to join us. The problem is I only know one boy, and I don't want to pressure his mom to do this since she has more kids, to do this.

And this fiasco is what I thought about all night and the next day.

Should I care he is the only boy on his team on this league?

Like I said, I don't want to be THAT MOM. I talked to 3 friends today about the situation because it bothered me so much. Zan doesn't seem to care now but I can just envision his first game against a team with a bunch of boys and the humiliation that will go through his mind. I can just see him shaking hands after the game and a little boy saying, "You're on a team with all girls" and my little boy being in tears afterwards.

Zander is a sensitive guy. He is more sensitive at times than Kaya. Things bother him. He doesn't miss a detail. His little heart is just so open to all but also so prone to be broken and shattered.

So I made the call. I called the coach today and explained that the kids loved tee-ball but I didn't think it was fair and my son would probably be heart-broken and mortified when he realized his team was the only one with "all girls". I explained to her that I would appreciate if she found a solution, so I wouldn't have to make this a lot of trouble for everyone. Cross your fingers that happens!
At first I was thinking, "oh he is fine. not a big deal. He can deal with it!" But then I decided, as a mom, sometimes I do have to be that mom and ensure my little hearts of my kids are protected.

I truly don't want to make a mess out of all of this but I just want one other boy on the team so my son won't be ostracized. I did this for him to have fun and make friends. I really didn't want the DRAMA but maybe I've already created it. I'm so aggravated about it now that I'm almost tempted to contact the league supervisor but I also don't want to shake up and disappoint 36 more kids. It is a tough one....

What do you guys think? Am I really THAT MOM? Or did I do the right thing?

1 comment:

RYD said...

I'm torn on this one. On one hand, I understand completely why you made the call. Lily took ball hockey once and was one of only three girls out of 28. They divided the teams and she was the only girl on her team. But she didn't care, the way Zander didn't, so I didn't say anything. (But she didn't want to take ball hockey again, so perhaps she did care after all.) I think if I had seen what you had seen, however, I would have been upset. Why would anyone put just ONE boy on a team when clearly there were many boys to divide? Doesn't make sense at all. So at this point, yes, I may have made the call. That said I'm sure Zander will be fine and won't notice. Like you said, he loves purple and he loves rockets. If nothing comes of this, just let it be. Next time, maybe, you could politely say, "Hey, I know you have a lot to juggle but could you please make sure the teams are more evenly divided?" Or, just leave it to fate. You never know how things turn out. :) Good luck!