a different perspective

I was SO dreading Halloween.

Halloween was MY holiday. My favorite HOLIDAY. I mean for pete's sake, I established Falloween for the past TEN YEARS to garner excitement for the day. I was the one who made elaborate treats, elaborate costumes, elaborate "excitement" for everyone involved. Even BEFORE I had kids.

So I was hurt this year. Hurt that the costume I had planned for my kids, and actually made for Kaya, was vetoed.

They are with dad this year. The ultra-sticker stabber of divorce. It made me sad. The kids told me that dad already ordered their costumes so my plans were out the window---because it was "dad's day". I wanted to say something, but kept my mouth closed.

I swallowed my pride and went to his house for "trick-or-treat".

BUT...

it was kind of nice being the "visiting" parent and not have to deal with the costume malfunctions.

it was kind of nice being the "visiting" mom.....which made them so excited to see me.

it was kind of nice being the "visiting" parent...who had tons of fun with them getting candy but not the one that had to get them to bed after they had all of that candy.

it was kind of nice visiting with all of my "old" neighbors and enjoying them....without worrying about what my kids were doing.

Yes, it's hard. It's hard not having my kids each night......but I'm going to count my blessings tonight for all the GOOD THINGS that happened.

It is a different way of life, a different perspective....but it is all good....thanks to all of you.

all you need is love

Today, I was filled with guilt......as a single mom, I'm trying to make an income. I'm working my book business as much as I can to make a comfortable living for myself and my children. But it is tough.....I still ask my parents, who are the greatest blessing, for help and I still am blessed by friends and the kindness of strangers to get what I need. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.

This morning I got up at 5:00 even though I didn't "have to get up" until about 7:30. I got up to exercise, pray, and have some time to myself. While I'm praying I didn't have the "best" attitude. I'm angry with how life is going.....I want things to get resolved....I want things to go my way. But I read some scripture: Matthew 26:36-39. At first I didn't want to read it because I thought "God, REALLY I have to read Mattthew.......kind of ironic...but my DivorceCare passage said do it." But in that is the passage where Jesus prays before he is crucified and he says " My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

I'm not trying to say my "CUP" is a fraction of big of what Jesus was going through at that time....but that scripure hit me. I WANT my kids.....I miss them.....It HURTS...it kills my heart. Some may think I'm a wimp because I do see them at least a few times a week and sometimes 5 days at a time. But I am used to seeing them EVERY DAY......for most of their life. Splitting custody and only seeing them for days at a time instead of each day BREAKS my heart.

So today was my day to get them.......I was so excited. But also overwhelmed with guilt. I have a bookfair going on that I am working ( to make that money I was talking about) and the bookfair open-houses are tonight and tomorrow night......when I have my kids. I was so torn between working and spending time with my kids that my heart was aching.

BUT I had to take them with me. I knew they could behave. I took lots of stuff for them to do to occupy themselves. I even told them they could "work" for a book by passing out bookmarks and stickers. BUT I felt guilty.

BUT the bookfair experience went beautifully for my kids. THEY LOVED IT! When we left, Kaya said "Mom, I love going to work with you....can we do it again?" Zander said, "Mom, I just love Wednesdays when I get to spend time with you and I love working bookfairs.....you are the nicest and most fun mom ever."

Guess my "cup" is getting taken care of.

Then we get home. It is so cold here in Atlanta.....30 degree weather in October!! And I figure out my furnace burners and heat does not work now.......and it is too late for anyone to come fix it!! So, I tell the kids.....you know what, lets all sleep together in mom's bed.....with lots of quilts. (I'm typing this now in my sweatsuit, robe, and snuggly socks because it is SO COLD in our house....a brisk 50 degrees). I also read to them the "Little House in The Big Woods" by Laura Ingalls Wilder, about when they had such a cold winter that they all had to bundle together under quilts to keep warm. I told them that was what we were doing tonight. Zander just giggled and said, "Oh Mom, this is the BEST night of my life. I LOVE spending time with you...no matter the problem, we figure it out." Oh he thinks we are living the "old-timey" life but I am warming all the quilts in the dryer......thank goodness we have electricity!!

SWEET BOY. I am BLESSED. I was so worried about being a working single-mom---and worried they would gripe about the heat.......BUT my sweet kids showed me my "cup" is being taken care of and all we need is LOVE.

The Road Not Taken

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I marked the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Robert Frost

I took the kids to the butterfly festival at the Chattahoochee Nature Center a few days ago. Once we got there---they had a blast. Even with grumpy Zander....it didn't take long for him to be in his element and love every minute of it.

But as I watched my sweet kids, I also noticed (for the 100th time) how different they are. Zan is the rule follower. He wants to check things out before he goes on ahead. Kaya, well she has a spirit of her own. Why would you worry about going on a path? Yes, there is a paved path but there is a whole world of adventure ahead!

She cannot resist a path. Even a less-traveled one. If there is a path to go somewhere she WILL take it. No matter if it is against the rules!

I finally made her stop taking the undiscovered paths. Just because the only way to get out of the last one was to climb a fence.
You can tell how happy she was with that decision.

I hope she keeps that spirit. I hope she wants to trek forward no matter what. So what if there is a fence to climb over? I hope and pray she still wants to go and overcome whatever she comes her way.

Trek forward sweet little girl. Take that path less taken---it will make a world of difference.

hoping they remember this

A few weeks ago I was reading a book to the kids that had a maze in it and they loved doing it---they are definitely in a maze-craze right now. I asked them, "Do you remember the corn maze at the farm we went to the last few years?" They had no clue---they didn't even remember going to a pumpkin patch. It truly surprised me that they had no memory of us going the last 3 years, every year, in the fall.

So they then decided they wanted to surprise their daddy with a trip to the maze. They kept it secret for most of the week besides the one clue K gave her dad, "BIG Corn!" He really thought we were crazy and had no clue what they were so excited about until the last day, when Zan couldn't handle it anymore and spilled the beans!

It was such a perfect day......a corn maze, pony rides,
Sitting on the tractor,

Holding hands with each other to search for their favorite pumpkins.

Here's hoping they never forget this perfect day of fall fun!

art for grandma

How I miss the snuggly babies that nursed and looked at me with adoring eyes?

But I also love this age---the age of creativity and unrestraint. I love it that Kaya has an enthusiasm for art like I do and that Zan will participate on occasion. We have had such fun this month painting together.

This first painting is one I made for my Mother-in-Law for her birthday. It is a watercolor that was inspired by I picture I took of my kids on the beach on a previous visit.
While I worked on my painting, Zander and Kaya painted with me on their own works of art for their Grandma.

Isn't this the cutest jellyfish family you have ever seen? Kaya named it "Jellyfish Making Bubbles." She spent all day on it---coming back to touch up and add different colors.
And my reluctant artist made the octopus. Once he finished he said, "You're right mom. This is kind of fun and it looks pretty cool."

snow day

Last week when areas of the country that rarely have snow got covered, we actually got some of the white stuff. I was pretty sure this would be all we would see so I let the kids run out and enjoy it while playing dress-up. Now I notice what a crazy mother I am since they are not wearing coats......we were caught up in the moment of catching snowflakes. But after a snuggly nap and watching the movie, SnowBuddies, we saw some thick snow!

Thick enough for a snowangel!
Fluffy enough to slide down the hill in...
Enough accumulation to make a snowman!
And Zan's favorite.....plenty for a snowball fight!
We enjoyed our Winter Wonderland. I'm sure we enjoyed it because we haven't been stuck in it all Winter. It was a beautiful sight!

3 pictures I love.....making a cake for daddy

sand art

This was such a fun activity to do with my kids. It occupied them for at least 30 minutes and they made something that they can keep on their shelf to display!

You can get colored sand and the tools & containers at any craft store for fairly inexpensive.....especially with coupons and sales! They loved creating the different layers in the fish and triceratops.

I think my neat & tidy husband has no clue about what we do during the day or he would have an anxiety attack! We had a mess EVERYWHERE. My philosophy is if it is creative art you can't worry about making a mess. It really is a good thing that I don't live by myself---I'm pretty certain there would be paint, fabric, and glitter EVERYWHERE.
So I'm go glad I have good helpers! They swept, vacuumed, and scrubbed the kitchen to perfection because they know how their Dad is too. As Zander said, "Daddy is really going to be mad when he sees this mess."

No worries though (just for you, Kara)....the table was soon shining with cleanliness.
And their projects turned out great!!

quality time together

Having a pair of siblings 13 1/2 months apart can be a blessing and a curse. Believe me, when they are trying to attack each other, to the point my husband & I have to physically hold them away from each other, over hand sanitizer....the thought does enter my mind "What the heck were we thinking?"

Luckily for us, the blessings do seem to outnumber the curses. Oh don't get me wrong, they fight. Fight hard. And that is why my latest book of choice is Siblings Without Rivalry. But when they are getting along, they are the sweetest friends.

That is why I feel it is so important for them to spend some quality time together. Without me. Unsupervised. I think it is a growth process of relationship-building for them to spend some time together without anyone else. (Of course some adult should be in the house to intervene, if needed)

I have been doing this for a while and I think they both love that time also. I find they are much more imaginative if I'm not around. Maybe having to please an adult stifles the fearless, innocent imagination. As I type this I can hear them talking---They are getting on a boat (Kaya's bed) with their baby alligators to go to a party. I just heard Kaya say, "Zander, stop the boat! We have to go get the party decorations!!"

I've also eavesdropped on them when they snuggle in bed together and have "real" conversations.

Yesterday I went to check on them and Kaya said, "Mom please leave us alone. We are talking right now." Of course, I was curious to see what they were talking about.

"Don't worry Kaya, if you have bad dreams just pretend you are Batwoman."

"But Zander, I don't want to be Batwoman when I grow up, I want to be a mommy when I grow up."

"You can be both Kaya. Just become Batwoman when you are scared."

Yep, I think that was a good conversation for them. They learn so much from each other that they could never learn from Mom.

how to make reindeer food

reindeer food recipe:

uncooked oatmeal

lots of glitter

ziploc bag

tons of imagination

Pour oatmeal into a ziploc bag. Sprinkle a tube of your favorite color glitter into the bag with the oatmeal. Seal the bag and shake vigorously.

Sprinkle the food on your lawn and porch for Rudolph and his buddies to eat. (the glitter bounces off the moonlight so they will be sure to find your house)

See the wonder in your little ones' eyes when the food has been "eaten" the next morning. "Look, there is muddy hoof-prints left by the reindeer too!"

christmas dancers

inspiration returned

Since my camera has been dysfunctional (early October) I have felt like a piece of me was missing. I couldn't capture my favorite moments on film just in my mind. I knew I liked photography but didn't realize how much until that part of my life was gone.

But my inspiration returned this Christmas. Joy! Joy! Happy! Happy! A working camera is now in my hands again. I received my mother-in-laws INCREDIBLE hand-me-down camera.

I have lots to blog about and now that I'm back to taking pictures I'm sure I'll be inspired. I just hope my few readers haven't left for good....

Christmas was wonderful! Full of laughter and sweet child innocence (and mischief). But one of my favorite moments is this....

When we were at Matt's mom's house the extended family came over for Christmas. With a room full of people opening presents, Kaya received a rock star Barbie kit from her cousins Josh & Nikki. She immediately stripped her clothes off, put on her costume, and rocked out for us. For a long time. Non-stop. Getting louder and louder for us. She just kept singing and singing, oblivious to the fact that everyone was still opening gifts. She was full of energy, joy, and laughter. After each song she giggled like crazy. I wish you could have been there but if you weren't........here are the photos---

I hope everyone else had a holiday filled with laughter and lots of love! I'm glad to back in the blogging world!!!

I am thankful for "dishes"

Chores. Really, who enjoys them? I am not the greatest housekeeper in the world but I try to keep it together as much as I can.

But a few months ago, being the stay-at-home mom and primary housekeeper, the lack of respect from my kids for all the chores was driving me crazy. I would work like crazy and they would follow along and work like crazy to mess it all up!

So the introduction of the chore chart began. Each day the kids were responsible for 3 chores. We did this faithfully for about 3 weeks then with the craziness of life I forgot to keep it up!

But they still do chores (I guess the "chore-system" worked after all). Now all I have to say is, "Go make up your bed." "Go pick up your toys so mom can vacuum." And they do it......most of the time.

But the new chore they love the most is helping me wash dishes. Which is ironic, because that is the chore I despise the most. I HATE washing dishes. And I HATE putting dishes away. If I could hire a little fairy to do those jobs every day, I would be in heaven.

I remember when I was 11 or 12, that chore became part of my daily life. I HATED it! I remember telling my mom once, "You only had me so I would wash your dishes. I will NEVER make my kids wash dishes."

I still don't like to do it. I will cook a feast for an army but I hate the clean-up. A couple of my friends that come over for playdates or parties always do the dishes for me (and I love them dearly for it!). I will cook for you........but I never volunteer to wash the dishes unless necessary.

So, gulp, yep, I'm eating my words. Not only are my kids washing dishes......they are doing it at 3 and 4 years old. They do a great job, too! It is amazing....they actually fight over who gets to help wash dishes each night. It has become a kind of game. Whomever acts the best during dinner, gets to wash the dishes. I'm dumbfounded. They love to do it!

And now, after 20 years of hating getting my hands in that soapy, greasy water.....I love it too. I'm thankful that my kids love doing dishes so much. It makes that chore quite a bit more cheerful! Especially when Kaya says (everytime), "Mom, washing dishes with you is my favorite part of the day." And last night Zander said, "Mom, Kaya was right. This is really a lot of fun."

You both are right kids, it is a lot of fun. And spending time with the two of you when we wash dishes is my favorite part of the day too.

our little pumpkin pie

Every Halloween season the kids and I design and Matt carves (thanks Matt!). But this season, Kaya was really in on the action. She kept eyeing the top of the pumpkin and kept saying, "Can I wear this for a hat?" We said , "No your hair will get gross and sticky."

She is such a good listener.

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater

Had a Daughter and couldn't keep her.

Put her in a pumpkin shell,

And there we kept her very well.