Tuesday, April 7, 2009

my life is full of *((&&!!@))S(()

Yep,  my life is full of it.  Full of poop,  penises, and vaginas.  (Now, aren't you glad there isn't a picture with this post).

You know,  if I was really vulgar and into that kind of stuff that would be one thing.  But no,  I'm just a stay-at-home mom of a 2 and 3 year old.

And they love to talk about their body parts and most recently (yippee!), poop.

They have always been fascinated by talking about their vagina and penis.  At first I thought,  maybe Matt and I shouldn't have made the decision to use the correct anatomically terms for their body parts.    Because they talked about them all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  In the store they would say,  "Mommy,  is that a girl?".  "Yes, that is a girl."  "So she has a VAGINA?"  For some reason the word "vagina" was always 50 decibels louder than anything else that was spoken.  
After I spoke to other friends,  they said that was totally normal,  except their kids say wee-wee, pee-pee, or weiner.....not vagina.  Somehow "VAGINA!!" isn't as cute coming out of a kids mouth in the middle of Publix.

After several car rides (when we had raisin snacks) I had to have a little talk with my loving little ones.  Because a raisin (or any type of berry or round object on a finger) looks like a penis to Kaya.  She would put a raisin on her finger and say, "Zander,  I'm going to say penis."  
Then it started,  "Penis,  Penis,  Penis!"  He, of course would laugh hysterically and join in the penis chat.  I had to hold my breath to not laugh hysterically with them sometimes......but did it anyway,  because I didn't want any unwelcome attention to the word.  
But finally I had it with the "Penis Conversations (or rather shouting matches)" .  I calmly explained to them.....
We can talk about penises and vaginas in the bathroom when we potty or only in the car if you whisper to each other.  Why I added the part about whispering.......probably so I could have some sort of "alone time" in the car.......if you call "alone time" listening to your favorite music while your kids whisper "penis" to each other.  

Now I'm regretting the whispering comment......

I was okay with being an easy-going mom and talking to my kids patiently when they were going through the "penis" or vagina" stage...........not so easy-going when we entered the "poop" and "pee" conversation stage....

The POOP obsession started a couple of days ago when we were going to a birthday party.  After about 20 minutes of hearing them talk about it,  Matt said "Stop talking about poop or we're not going to the party,  that is not nice conversation."  They continued so I said, "Lets talk about something else,  how about toys?"
So Zander says, "Toys."
And Kaya says, "Poop on toys."
I'm sure you can imagine how the remaining ten minutes of conversation went.

For some reason,  my patience is a lot more stout when I hear the word penis or vagina.  Not so much with the word POOP.  I'm sick of the word.  Sick,  sick,  sick!  If you're sick or my word "sick" multiply that by a million and you'll know how many times I heard the word "Poop" today.

Just five minutes into my day after Kaya awakes,  the "Poop" commentary begins.  

They wanted to watch Tinkerbell.  Since I needed to start some laundry and make some beds, I said "Okay".  They were so excited that I actually agreed to a movie early in the morning.  Before I even had one towel folded,  they started,  
"What's her name?
"Poop" ( with many giggles following)
"What does she do?"
"Poop on heads."  ( more giggles)

I could go on and on and on and on.........but I was trying to ignore them.......thinking that would work (ha).  So then I told them,  "If you keep talking about pooping on Tinkerbell, you're breaking our number one rule,  BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, because it isn't very kind to want to poop on Tinkerbell."

Oh, what the kind, patient Mother I am.  (Ha again).  The talk continued so I started moving clips which is part of my discipline plan I said I would share.......not working so much, is it......maybe I won't share.  Then,  after it kept going on for another 10 minutes,  I took away their most prized toys.  Still didn't work.    
Instead of working, it instead made my kids pour their cereal on the floor and start stomping on it and saying while laughing crazily,  "Step on Poop!  Step on Poop!"

So finally I thought,  I'm going to get on their level and talk to them.  I squatted down eye-to-eye to them both and said,  "Mommy is so sad that you guys aren't following our house rules (which are 1.  Be kind to each other & 2.  Listen to mom and dad) so let's talk about this."  "Talking about poop to people is not kind and you're not listening to me when I ask you to stop talking about poop. So can you please tell me what the rules in our house are?"
Zander looks at me and laughs,  "Rule number one...Poop on Mommy's head!!!" and Kaya repeats him and laughs like a maniac.  

I'm glad gave me a dose of self-control because I almost went crazy on both of them then.  

I then told them I was setting the timer and if their poop (oops, I mean cereal) wasn't picked up in two minutes I was taking the toys out of their playroom.

I guess it worked.  We still had moments today when Z bit K and she slapped him in the head.  We still had moments today when I was frantically picking up stuff for the cleaners tomorrow and K poured a whole bottle of powder on the floor while Z poured several cups of water on the floor.  We still had moments today when I was getting stuff ready for Pappaw Texas's birthday card and they poured bottles of glitter glue on the kitchen table and floor.

But we didn't talk about Poop.

Not until dinner,  after Daddy got home at least.  And it was just once......
Zander had to tell Kaya a secret,  across the table.  The secret was "Toys."  And her response was,  "Poop on toys."

But their daddy has the best plan.  He agrees that is probably a phase.  And he thinks when we get old,  we should just poop everywhere,  for them to clean up.  Even if we know better.  And we'll tell them,  "Your day has come little ones......your day has come."

I can't believe this is one of my longest posts, and it is all about poop.  Yep,  my life is full of it.


Anonymous said...

So...I LOL'd more while reading your post than I have in a long long time. Long live the poop stories! Thanks for the laughs, Stephanie

Jenny Ellen said...

I wish you were sitting next to me in my Sex Class this week. In all seriousness, I can't believe that these exact conversations are the beginning of teaching your child about sex (and their developing feelings about sex and themselves). I have a much longer note to write you about the amazing easter bags you sent us. No thank you note will be able to contain how much happiness you delivered to us. The kids pictures are on our (new) fridge and Avery wrote a note next to them that says, "I love these guys!"


RYD said...

I, too, use anatomically correct words and my kids say them without thought as well. When Aimee was 2, she, too, would ask if the girl at the store had a vagina and if the man had a penis. I think they are just exercising their "I know this!" muscles and showing they finally get the difference. The poop talk, however, just makes me want to gag! (Because even though I could talk about sex all day, I cannot talk about anything scatalogical!). Have fun - this phase will pass very soon. xo

Your Cousin Angela said...

I just wanted you to know that this is not a phase. My kids still do it and they are 7 and 10 They think the word "poop" is so funny.