So, how am I dealing with this? The last few days my mind has been whirling with feelings of relief and sadness. Relief that one day soon I won't have to take a pain pill and sit on a heating pad just to post on my blog. And sadness, that I know I will never experience childbirth or having another baby.
Part of me feels so selfish that I even worry about other kids. Look at my children......how could I be more blessed? Especially after being told by doctors that I would never have children and having a mindset since I was nine that my dream to be a mother would never happen.
Maybe that is why I've always been drawn to children since an early age. I always loved being a babysitter, a camp counselor, a bible-school teacher, day-care worker, and eventually an elementary school teacher.
I look at my two sweet, wonderful, silly kids and know my life has been enriched.
But I still get weepy......and I'm sure I will on occasion.
I'm so thankful I have friends and family to lean on during this time. EVERYONE that I have talked to have been the pictures of support. I was really nervous to talk about the hysterectomy at first because I know it is such a major, irreversible decision. But my friends and family have been wonderful. I could tell that they were all sad for me because it is such an emotional decision, but happy that I would soon have a normal life. Matt told me, "I don't think you even know what it is like to have a pain-free life. You probably have no clue what normal people feel like. It is pretty awesome." When I told another friend that my cramps feel like I'm in labor 24-7 she said, "No wonder you're the only person I know who thought childbirth wasn't all that painful."
But I think my favorite comment from a friend was this (and I'm sure I'm not quoting it back verbatim, but close enough),
"Korisa, the reason I have admired, respected, and loved you for all this time was not for your ability to bear children. I don't love you for your ovaries."
So dear friends and readers, keep me in your thoughts. I'll let everyone know when the actual surgery is when I find out. It is supposed to be scheduled next week. I told my doctor that I had to have my daughter's 2nd birthday ( you know I love a party, priorities, of course) so more than likely the major surgery will be late September or early October. I'll try to share positive posts until that time but may have a weepy moment or two....
After several anonymous comments (not the ones from the anonymous people I know).....I have decided to add the following to this post....
I have dealt with this problem for years.....although I am not yet 32, I have dealt with it for 21 years. Yes this means this all began since I was nine.
So I have put considerable thought into my decision and have gone to many doctors, had many opinions, and many surgeries, natural treatments, etc during this time.
I know as a blogger I'm putting myself out there but I was not expecting an all out lecture from the hysterectomy police. The first comment, I shrugged off. But after 3 more I thought this is ridiculous. Shouldn't we, as women, support each other's decisions about her body.
I was posting this to let my readers that care about me and my family and friends know what is going on in my life. If you don't know me, you probably have not seen me tear up due to the pain, watched my ups and downs with this problem (and yes it IS Endometriosis. I have had 2 laparoscopic surgeries to confirm this), or knew that I had to have blood transfusion at age 10 because I almost died from the severe bleeding. This is not an easy decision that I just decided on a whim to do.
Those of you that know me or have been reading my blog and commenting on the happy parts of my life for the past year, by all means leave your comments. For all of you that have no clue who I am, where I'm from, or the pain and bleeding I'm dealing with, back off. You WILL NOT change my mind.
Thanks again to my friends, family and readers who have supported me.......xoxoxo